This fourth month at home has been really filled with progress. Here are some successes we celebrate today:
- Sleep!!!!!!! Joshua is going to sleep on his own and sleeping all night! I look forward to putting him to bed because it is now a sweet time of cuddles, songs, and prayers. Amazing!
- Language - Joshua speaks English very fluently. I truly do not feel he is "behind" in his speaking ability at all! (One interesting thing to note is that Joshua has almost completely forgotten Amharic. Over the weekend, I was reading to him in a bilingual book. I pointed to the child's neck in the picture and said, "angut." Joshua looked at me like I was crazy! He corrected me, "neck!" with a look of total confusion. I scattered Amharic words that he used to know in with the English ones for the objects in the book and he reacted the same way each time.
- Play - Joshua now really enjoys playing with other kids his age!
- Motor skills - Joshua continues to get stronger and more coordinated. He can pedal his bike both forward and back (He makes a beep sound when he goes backward just like a skidsteer... too cute!) He can climb a ladder at the park. He can run. He can even get both feet off the floor for the tiniest of jumps! His movements are still stiff and take effort but they are so very much improved!
- Food - Joshua is a picky eater, but at this point I treat it just like I would have with any of our older kids. I give him a large portion of the foods I know he will like and tiny ones of the foods he will probably not enjoy. Then if he wants seconds of his favorite he has to eat the less desirable foods first. His favorite foods are all meats - chicken nuggets, salami/summer sausage, ground beef, etc... He is also addicted to pizza! He struggles most with fruit and mushy textures.
The biggest thing we continue to work on is relationships.
One thing that I think solidified in Joshua's mind this month was that I am his mommy. At first he really just thought my name was momma. He did not understand that most children have mommy's and a mommy has a very special role in their life. I was at first just a fairly nice nanny named "momma." That has finally changed! He understands that other kids have mommy's. (I think his figuring this out is part of the reason that playing with other kids has become fun. He has realized that they have their own mommy and his will remain HIS!) I love being a mommy!
I also think he has really begun to understand the role of his Daddy each of his sibling in our family. He no longer cries for Krissy in a "weird" way! He adores each of his siblings! He copies everything they say and do. He wants to be with them and play with them. Those relationships are good! (He has shown some jealousy toward Brenna. When Brenna cuddles with mommy, he is none too pleased. One night he really threw a fit because Brenna and I were cuddled up watching TV. I explained that I had room for him too - either on my lap or on my other side. More tears followed because that was not quite what he had in mind. Brenna handled this so well. She did not get upset with him. She went to get a pair of earplugs and them returned to silently claim her side of mommy on the couch! Now Joshua says, "Mommy I love you Joshua. Mommy I love you Brenna! Joshua, Brenna share mommy!" Am I not blessed with intelligent kids?)
The relationship confusion comes in with all others. He definitely has many other friends and family members that he enjoys and recognizes. He runs to hug Grammy, Grandma, and Grandpa. He begs to talk to Ashlee and Sharlene on the phone. He asks about cousins Adrianna and Lexi, etc... But he struggles to understand who they are to him. He has not figured out yet that a Grandpa/Auntie/Cousin/Grammy etc... have a special role in a his life and family. Right now "Grandpa" is just a nice man who comes around quite a bit. He is very drawn to them, but he is similarly drawn to strangers sometimes.
For example, Saturday there was a friendly man that greeted Joshua at the garage sale. This man then went to wait in his car while his wife continued shopping. Joshua waved to him. He waved back. Then Joshua blew him kisses. The man smiled and waved back. Then Joshua came to me and asked if he could go bye-bye with the man. I of course said, "NO!" Joshua responded, "please! pleasie mommy Joshua go with this man!"
Yesterday at Walmart a lady who neither of us have ever seen before smiled at Joshua and he immediately asked me, "Mommy, this lady hold you?" (Mommy, could that lady hold me?) I responded, "No the lady can't hold you, mommy and daddy hold you Joshua." He accepted that.
Truly I am not sure what he would do if I said sure you can go with the man or asked the lady if she wanted to hold my son. I am not sure if he is checking to see how much I will protect him or if he really wants to do the things he asks to do.
The oddest thing about it is that he has never asked me if someone familiar can hold him. He has never asked me if Grammy or Grandpa or Auntie Teresa can hold him. It is always strangers. Because his language and understanding of a family has been so limited I have always just told him that mommy and daddy hold him. I am hoping that as his relationship understanding grows I can start explaining that Grammy (for example) is special to our family because Grammy is daddy's mommy. She is Joshua's Grammy. Other kids have their own grammy, etc... so because Grammy is special to him and our family, Grammy is a safe person to hold him. I do look forward to the day when he is "just one of the kids" but his heart still has a little way to go.
It is a whole new experience to have to think through and facilitate each of these steps. But just as we have taught the older kids about things they do not naturally understand, we will teach Joshua about what it is to be a family member. I appreciate everyone's patience. He is getting there!
Joshua has really blossomed this month. He is stronger emotionally and physically. He is sillier and smarter. His personality continues to shine through more and more as his confidence grows.
That said, I have really been feeling that we need to give Joshua some time to catch his breath. He has continued to learn and adapt at a rate that can not be expected to continue. I really think we need to give him time to absorb all he has learned. While it is tempting to think he is doing so well we will continue to challenge him a bit more, my gut tells me to give him a few weeks or a month just to BE. This next month I plan to just let him simmer - so to speak. To soak in the love of the family and friends that he is learning belong to him. To enjoy watching all those flavors come together into something wonderful - slowly and deliberately.
Each night as I snuggle my son before laying him in his crib, I continue to thank God that, "He did not create us with a spirit of fear, but a spirit of sonship." (Romans 8:15 abbreviated as per me) Joshua is no longer ruled by fear, it still creeps up from time to time, but SONSHIP breaks through quickly and consistently.
My family is being knit together by the Master day by day and it is truly an awe-inspiring thing to witness.
