What???? Why???
Because going to church combines SO many different skills:
- You are a member of a big group. Big groups were intimidating to Joshua at first.
- While it is a big group, it functions different than all the other big groups Joshua has been to. At church you are "supposed to" be friendly and greet eachother. That is super... but for a little guy who is trying to figure out relationships and master a new language, it is also very confusing!
- This was made worse because Joshua's momma has a big mouth and talked about him a lot before he came home. So, many people at my warm friendly church feel and thus act like they know him. He gets totally confused when someone he has never met calls him by name and treats him with familiarity. His memory is truly remarkable and when he is greeted by name by a person he has not been introduced to by me he gets uncomfortable.
- The rules at church are a bit odd... be quiet, sit with momma, but stand up and sing sometimes... and the order changes every time you go to church. Precise routines work best for Joshua.
We have eased into the church routine. We are always poor church attenders in the summer because we camp so often, but we did make it a couple times. Joshua and I would sneak in late and leave early to avoid too many social interactions because they just stressed him out.
This fall we have become regular attenders and have been arriving and leaving on time. The last two weeks I have wondered how long it would take my son to feel comfortable at church. Last week he was so overwhelmed (not freaked out - just trying to take everything in) by everything going on (and by the toys in the cool bags that our church has for kids to play with during the service) that he did not notice his Grandparents were sitting right behind us. When we walked Brenna to kids church in the middle of the service and I pointed out that his Grandma was walking right behind us he gave her a surprised and relieved kiss. Finally someone that he recognized was talking to him!
I will be honest and say I was not looking forward to church this morning. I spent the drive to church confessing to God that I was going because I knew it was the right thing to do, but in my head I just wanted to skip!
And you know what? Today was the day I felt my boy relax a whole bunch. We sat down and he took out his toys and played. He totally ignored a few people who came to meet him and I hope it didn't hurt anyone's feelings! I did not interrupt his play to make introductions because sitting on the floor playing with toys is what 2-year-old boys do. He did ask to be held and snuggled in to suck his thumb, just because snuggling feels good- not because he was feeling shy or overwhelmed. I love to snuggle this boy and I am grateful he comes to me when he needs a safe place to hide, but I am so thankful that church finally felt safe.
***On a side note, while this transition to going to church has been extra hard for Joshua, it has made me really think about how hard it would be to start going to church as a family. While it was new to Joshua, it was not new to the rest of us. We were comfortable and knew how things worked. Even so, feeling it be difficult for him made skipping a huge temptation. Afterall, why put us all through it? It is a lot of work and really couldn't we just have a relaxing morning at home? It is not like I get much out of church with Joshua wiggling and asking questions constantly.
If you are in that spot, I would really like to encourage you to hang in there! It will get easier and God will bless your faithfulness. Interestingly (or not) this is the verse our pastor preached about today. It is about the blessings future generations receive for our present faithfulness.
"You shall not bow down and worship them;
for I, the Lord your God,
am a jealous God,
punishing the children for the sins of the fathers
to the third and fourth generations of those
who hate me, but
showing loving kindness to a thousand
generations of those who love me and keep
my commandments."
Deuteronomy 5:9-10
I know that is a hard verse and we could discuss it a lot! It holds a harsh warning. It bears an even more ginormous blessing. I want to do my serve the Lord, and it is SO hard sometimes. So many things get in the way. I am often tempted to bow down and worship my own desires when I am called to serve. How cool is it that God promises to reward the people most dear to me for a thousand generations when I choose to obey him?
