Play has been central to so much of Joshua's homecoming. It has served the regular old purpose of keeping a toddler busy, but it has also done so much more.
I have played for hours with Joshua. Playing and fun have helped us to bond. Our favorite thing to play is hide and seek. He loves when I hide from him. I sing, "where o where o where is momma" so that he can easily find me and he giggles and giggles as he gets closer to me. Then when he can see me, he turns and runs knowing I will catch him and give him big hugs. "More!" is almost always his response.
It has been really helpful for him to realize that mommy is FUN! Especially because Mommy is also the one who makes and enforces most of the rules. Because our connection was fragile in the beginning, I would make sure to spend some time playing, snuggling, chasing, and giggling with him after every episode of sadness. Reconnecting after "mommy caused sadness" also knows as discipline was HUGE in developing his trust in our relationship. Playing after holding him through an episode of grief related sadness was equally important. (It was important that this type of play time was just Joshua and Mommy, so that we could bond without distraction.)
Play has also helped him understand his world and face some fears. When going to sleep was so hard, he would ask to play mah tah mah tah, many times a day. This recurring theme in his play helped him practice going to bed in a fun, non-threatening way. Slowly going to bed for real got much easier and his request to play mah tah mah tah became less frequent.
Most recently he loves to play farm. My Joshua is not an animal lover. He puts up with the dog now. He is not a bit scared of him anymore, in fact pushing Riley into his spot at the top of the stairs, is one of his favorite activities. But it is not done in love. He just really likes to be able to tell someone what to do! Poor Riley! Life is not the same around here anymore!
Joshua has become fascinated with his farm set because he has been to Grandpa's ranch several times. He has seen the horses, cats, and dog. He handles it well, but it also scares him some. He pushes himself to be near the horses because Brenna loves them. He touches the kitties because Brenna and Sierra think they are great - but his heart races as he does it. He puts on a good show, not crying or even flinching much. However put your hand over his chest and you will feel his racing heart.
So in order to think through how to be at a farm, he has been playing farm every morning. He likes to drive the tractor and feed the animals. We practice opening and closing the gate. That is fun. He plays with the horses the most. Today he asked if he could lead the horses (he saw Brenna lead Grandpa's horse on Saturday) and he gave me the biggest grin when I told him I thought it would be safer if he waited until he was bigger. He truly amazes me ... and cracks me up! He did not want to lead the horse, but if he was "supposed to" he was going to start practicing with a little one.
Here he is, playing away.
***His farm play is quite realistic. The most memorable part of Grandpa's house last weekend was watching a horse go to the bathroom as we drove off the yard. Joshua could not believe his eyes. He yelled, "Momma, horsey shinty!" I respond, "Yes Joshua, horses have to go potty too." He tells me, "Yucky! Momma horsey shinty G-ross!" So yesterday morning all that happened on his ranch (other than driving the tractor) was the horsey going shinty.
I have really missed 2-year-olds!
