What a day! I will be honest and tell you that I was really struggling with anger and bitterness this evening. Anger can perhaps be productive at times, but bitterness is just ugly.
I just could not understand why a God as BIG as our God would not just move in a BIG way and wipe out all the yuck in our life. Instead "all" I get is crumbs! I argued with God that sure I was thankful that we received a tax return - which by the way was very unexpected, we have had to pay in quite a bit of money the last few years. BUT what I really wanted was not money but my son! Secondly, we received a check from a customer today. We have been waiting on payment from this customer for a long time. It is a relief to have the funds. BUT the check was only about 10% of what we are owed. UGH!
As I sat in Wednesday night worship tonight I kept telling God I was sorry for feeling numb at best, bitter at worst. As I allowed music to wash over me, He reminded me of a "crummy" story in the Bible.
In Exodus, God frees the Israelites from slavery. It is a truly magnificent story. The freed slaves are traveling through the desert to get to the land God had chosen for and promised them. He provided them manna (crumbs of bread) every morning to eat. They were commanded to gather only what they could eat each day. This crumb gathering lasted for 40 years. Now God could have chosen to supply a buffet every day. He could have varied the menu. And the Israelites definitely complained and doubted, but they learned to trust. (My version is seriouslu shortened, please look it up and read it yourself!)
I taught this story to the kids at our church this year and we kind of made fun of the Israelites. We noticed what a short memory they had. God miraculously sets them free and a couple chapters later they are whining about the food being so bad they would be better off as slaves. This teacher did not learn her lesson all too well, huh.
God absolutely showed up today, in amazing and unexpected ways. They may not have been the exact blessings I would have chosen - but who am I to choose?
This lesson to be grateful and have faith and joy no matter what was drilled into my head again with Brenna's choice of a bedtime story. We have been reading Dr, Seuss books. Tonight she chose, "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." Sappy me was nearly teary when I read how the Who's still sang the "hated" Christmas songs even after the Grinch stole all their Christmas stuff to stop their merriment. Choose faith and joy, OK I am getting the message. It is even starting to sink from my head into my heart.
I was also encouraged by an email from another adoptive mom. She reminded us that she had to go through 3 court dates. She is home with her little girl for 6 weeks or so now. They seem to be doing marvelously, and I recently saw her mention something about "next time." If she would consider this process again after the stress of waiting through 3 court dates with so little time to "forget the pain", I am encouraged.
Thank you to so many of you for your encouraging, loving, and kind emails, texts, and the prayers I am feeling. I have no further information about why we did not pass court or when we are rescheduled, but I will pass information on when I receive it. We may never know the why's for these delays. Hang in there with me anyway and the thankful for the crumnbs, even if they seem pretty small sometimes.
