One emotion I have talked about and thought about in the last months is peace. What is peace anyway? Is it feeling totally calm and dream-like? I suppose to some it is. However, the peace that I have referred to all throughout this process is a little different.
The peace that I have felt is more along the lines of "it's gonna be alright", "even though things are rough you are doing the right thing", "it is going to get better." My sense of peace has been a foundation which has made all the other circumstances and emotions bearable. On top of peace I have felt love, fear, sadness, impatience, frustration, weariness, and contentment. But the peace, HIS peace, the peace that surpasses all understanding, was the glue that held me together, the foundation that held me up. That feeling of calm has been an indescribable gift.
A week or so ago I started asking God for the gift of JOY. I have been so thankful to be filled with peace. I have been grateful that I have not been overly anxious. Many times in the past months I have counted my blessings and been very content. BUT I have not felt sheer joy is so long. Joy is such a wonderful feeling and I was missing it.
So I started asking God to trade my heavy heart for a heart of joy. This is a type of request I have never asked of God before. I have pleaded with him to change circumstances. I have rejoiced and thanked Him for the many blessings in my life. I have shared secrets and sang at the top of my lungs - both mostly in my car all by myself. But, I have never asked for my emotions alone to change.
I must tell you that I have been so blessed! Today I feel happy, brimming over with joy. It really makes no sense. Not one circumstance in my life has changed. We are still waiting on MOWA, we still have some stressful stuff to get through at work, it is still windy and a little chilly outside. Nothing is better, nothing is worse. But my heart is joyful.
One of my best friends asked me this morning if we had news about MOWA. When I told her we were still waiting she commented that my face looked so happy she was sure I had some great news. I told her I was happy, miraculously joyful, for absolutely no reason other than sometimes God grants the desires of our hearts.
So continue to ask my friends. Ask God to grant the desires of your hearts. Ask him to give you an emotional break, a bit of peace or joy or love, whatever it is that you need. And then pay attention so you do not dismiss His answer as a weird coincidence.
Thank you God for this heart of joy.
***I also have to comment about the court date vote. I either have the most loyal, supportive friends and family members OR you are all gluttons for punishment?!? I am not sure I even want to go through another day of waiting for news about court, but you all seem to. Thank you for your love and support and prayers. I am so excited to see how and when God will bring Joshua G home to his wonderful family and friends. AND I will keep you posted. Everyone but Krissy. She does not want anymore court updates and teasing. I have promised that someday soon I will show up at her school with the amazing news that she has a baby brother. Until then she has quite enough court drama.
