All right, I know what you are all wondering is am I OK. I am. I am also sad and disappointed. I am tired of being patient and strong. I am tired of being the emotional compass for our family. I am tired of being so close but not quite there. I would love the novelty of throwing the covers over my head and feeling sorry for myself for a day. I am exhausted emotionally and spiritually. I can not think of a single reason that waiting longer is good for Joshua G.
I tell you all that because I want to be honest and transparent. I do have lots of yucky feelings. I do not know if not passing was God's will and the reason is yet to be discovered, or if not passing was just simply people messing up.
What I DO know is that in Romans 8:28 we are promised that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." God's plan may or may not be why we are waiting longer. But no matter the why, He has promised to work all these things together for good.
So, when I feel myself starting to throw a pity party, I remind myself that God will work this all out. It will be glorious. I choose to redirect my thoughts to His promises. I choose to remember the verse I give Sierra so often, John 14:1 "Do not let your heart be troubled. Trust in God."
Now remember that passing court the first time is only a 50/50 shot. Of course we all wanted our case to be part of the passing 50%. However, being in the court system has certainly been a blessing. I am no longer wondering if we will have to travel for court or not. Having a date for our next court appointment (even though April 14 is longer than I expected) means there is a plan. We have some concrete things to wait for. Though I am sad today, I am honestly less troubled than before we had any court date. So chins up everyone. Every family in our agency's history has eventually passed court and brought their referred child home. The record number of court appointments is 5! That is a record I hope not to beat!
There are 2 other families in our city that have court appointments for children they are adopting from Ethiopia this week. Please keep them in their prayers. I am sure our not passing brought extra anxiety! Pray for peaceful hearts, paperwork in place, birth family present, and phone calls with positive results early in the day!
