Right after Krissy was born, I was totally out of it. My body had been pumped full of drugs, first pitocin to induce labor, then something to make me sleep between contractions, then something to stop the mild hemorrhaging I experienced right after she was delivered. I was groggy, shaky, and in a drug-induced fog. I was worried I would drop her while nursing, not characteristic of a girl who had been babysitting since I was 12. I didn't even have the focus or energy to call my mom and tell her she was a grandma. It was awful!
I sent Chad home to sleep. (The hospital we were at did not have a place for fathers to stay. He would have had to sleep in a straight backed chair.) The nurses took my baby and I fell into a restless, drug-fogged sleep. The whole time I slept I kept hearing babies crying. It was terrible. I could not quite wake up enough to call the nurse to ask if my baby was OK. I remember thinking that even if I could figure out how to get to the nursery, I would not even recognize my baby.
Finally an angel in nurse's clothing brought me my baby. She could immediately tell that I was in bad shape! She turned on the light and helped me sit up. She set baby Krissy on my lap and unwrapped her. She helped me admire every inch of the beautiful baby I had just delivered. She showed me how to feed her and wrap her up. She got me some breakfast which helped to dilute the meds. I still get teary thinking about how her kindness put me at ease and gave me a wonderful memory of the first time I saw my baby.
This memory is fresh in my mind because I received new pictures of Joshua yesterday. They were only 1 week old. He is more beautiful than ever. His hair has grown into cute curly baby locks. His face shape has changed slightly, less cheeks maybe. In the weeks since the last pictures we received were taken, he has a different look. I seriously doubted for a minute that the little prince in the pictures was our Joshua. I even asked Chad if he was sure this was our boy. He reassured me saying look at the eyes and those ears that poke out just a little. It is him!
Later, I dreamed about going to Ethiopia all night. Sometimes I recognized our son, others I did not - those long forgotten insecurities from Krissy's birth returning in my sleep. I am hoping and praying for an angel in a nanny's uniform to graciously introduce me to my beautiful son when the time comes. This time it may be my baby that needs the kindness and reassurance most.
**Today we received a quick weight and height update. Joshua G. has gained 5 lbs since his original exam. He has also grown a little more than an inch. He is now 33.5 inches tall and 27.5 lbs. If he is 18 mo. old, he is 60% for height and 65% for weight. (Hopefully the little girl whose food I have been told he likes to eat is growing well also! lol) The nurses that examined him noted that he liked to sit and observe others. He prefers regular caregivers and has stranger anxiety - thus the future need for an angel in a nanny's uniform. He still crawls some, but also walks some. He immitates his caregivers.
