In the last two years of so, I have felt God shifting my focus away from ALL the kids of our church and onto MY kids. I have felt Him asking me how much I share about Him with them? How many lessons have I planned with My kids in mind? When was the last time we had devotions as a family?
As a children's ministry worker my kids had seen and heard me lead many lessons directed at them AND the rest of the kids at our church. They do know my heart. They had heard me pray and share my passion for Jesus. I have helped them learn Bible verses, brought them to program practices, and volunteered to chaperon for church lock-ins. Pretty good, right!
I thought so.
I recently read, "One Million Arrows" by Julie Ferwerda. One chapter kept me awake for two nights in a row as I processed all I had read. Did you know that:
- 3 out of 4 Christian young people leave church for good by their second year of college
- for the past 30 years youth ministry programs have exploded all across America, they are superb. Yet in the same 30 years, those superb programs have failed to produce a generation of young people who graduate ready to change the world from Christ.
- The faith retention rate is not highest among those in youth groups; it is highest among those whose parents (especially fathers) disciple them.
- Most Christian parents today rely on the superb programming of the church to provide ALL religious training for their children. They do not have a PLAN or GOALS for the spiritual growth of their kids. They leave that up to the "more qualified" staff at their church.
- However, the responsibility for raising kids who will become believers who continually seek to deepen their relationship with Christ, impact others for Christ, and accept the Bible as truth falls on parents!
Psalm 78:4-8 (selected)
"We will not hide these truths from our children but will tell the next generation
about the glorious deeds of the Lord. We will tell of His power
and the mighty miracles He did.
He commanded our ancestors to teach (His decrees) to their children,
so the next generation might know them - even the children not
born yet- that they might in turn teach their children.
So each new generation can set its hope anew on God,
remembering His glorious miracles and obeying His commands.
Then they will not be like their ancestors - stubborn, rebellious,
unfaithful, refusing to give their hearts to God."
This verse and several others pierced my heart and mind. On one hand, I argued that I WAS teaching my children. On the other, I realized that what I was teaching MY kids was the curriculum that went with whatever program our church had selected. While I go to a church with a great children's ministry, and I think the curriculum we use is wonderful, it was not written for MY kids. I also was not delivering it to MY kids but to a group of their peers which they happened to be a part of.The following verse convicted me to be more intentional about teaching MY kids.
"After that generation died, another generation grew up
who did not acknowledge the Lord or remember the mighty
things He had done for Israel."
Judges 2:10
I think sometimes we get so caught up in raising kids that we forget we are really raising the next generation of adults! With all my heart I want my children to become adults who make a difference in our world, who live and serve boldly in the name of Christ.
In her book, One Million Arrows, Julie Ferderwa talks about raising adults who will be arrows for Christ. They will be sharp, strong, and true. They will be ready to be shot into any mission field. They will be determined and courageous. They will be prepared to battle for Jesus in whatever capacity He needs.
I want to be that kind of parent. I want to be preparing my kids to be servants of the King. But how?
For me one of the starting points is to talk about faith matters clearly. For instance, Sierra is really struggling with friendships right now. She is angry and hurt about some things. In the past I would have talked to her about forgiving them because "it is the right thing to do." In my quest to be specific and to use every possible opportunity to share His truth with her, I showed her a specific verse about forgiveness. No big discussion or lecture, I just simply read her the verse so she would know what God expects, prayed with her, and we went on with our day.
Another starting point occurred tonight we gathered with four other families for an hour of family worship. We sang songs, did a simple Bible lesson, and prayed a blessing over each family member. It was nice. It was a beginning of sorts, a first date so to speak. I suspect as we practice it will become more comfortable, more personal, more holy, and less scripted. But it represents a change in my heart. Tonight, I shared community with my kids, instead of leaving them with a sitter so that I could learn. I had the great joy of hearing their voices singing to Jesus. I had the honor of having my daughter pray a blessing over me.
(By the way, I do know that I need to meet with adults to learn and be challenged as well. I am not saying leaving kids to grow and learn is bad!)
If you are a parent wishing to raise adults who will change the world for Christ, I highly recommend "One Million Arrows." It challenged me. It made me think. It inspired me to (hopefully) be more and do more. I think it is an excellent read for any parent, pastor, youth leader, or children's ministry worker.
If you are involved in church leadership, I would also recommend the book "Shift" by Brian Haynes. It discusses how to engage and empower and encourage parents to BE the spiritual leaders God designed them to be. It is not a parenting book, but a church strategy book. It is a good read if that is your mission.
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul
and with all your strength. These commands that I give you today
are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children.
Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk
along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."
Deuteronomy 6:5-7
I am working on being more focused in this command. To look into my kids' hearts, needs, and behaviors in order to plan talks that will challenge them and help them grow. I always want to take advantage of moments that just happen and answer questions as they come, but for me to take it to the next level means more intentionality!
