I spent the morning waiting for the phone to ring, while checking my email every few minutes - just in case Liz emailed instead of calling.
Off and on I would nearly jump out of my skin when my phone did ring, only to see that the caller was a friend or relative wondering if we had heard anything.
Finally, shortly before I left work to pick up the kids from school, my phone did ring. The news was not good. No MOWA letter, we did not pass.
I went to pick up my really hopeful kids. They hopped into my SUV with tons of energy and excitement, but with one look at my face they became silent and sad.
We went to Cold Stone to drown our sorrows in really expensive ice cream. We tried to put on brave faces. We tried to be trusting and faithful. But there was deep sadness under that trust.
Something about it just felt so wrong. It did not feel like it could have been God's will for Joshua Gebeyehu to remain an orphan for even another day. I struggled for weeks with that feeling.
I learned a lot about surrender during the weeks between our first court date and when the call finally came on April 20th declaring us the legal parents of our son. I have never felt so hopeless. Hope deferred truly makes the heart sick. I will never forget the run when God asked me to worship Him in the midst of the most stressful, hopeless, helpless time in my life. God used that time to teach me, to mold me, to strengthen me. But was it His will for Joshua to be an orphan longer?
My answer came with Joshua's adoption decree. It was dated March 29, 2010. The very same date as our first court hearing.
How? Why? I have no idea. I will never know.
What I do know is that we became Joshua Gebeyehu Chad D's parents one year ago today!
I am not always correct in sensing what is and is not God's will, but on this I heard correctly. I would like to tell you that I am grateful for the lessons learned between March 29 and April 20 2010, but in truth thinking of that time still gives me a stomach ache! I am, however, grateful that God walked by me, that He held me up, that He surrounded me with love and grace. I also know that I have benefited from the lessons learned in those days. We learn the tough stuff through tough times. Because of those trying days, I am stronger, more faith-filled, more grateful, and better at listening to God's whispers than I was a year ago. So I guess for that I am thankful.
We rejoice today that we have been Joshua Gebeyehu's parent's for a year! When I reminded Chad about the "anniversary" he summed it up well. He said, "Just thing last year Joshua had no idea and today he ran to me when I came home from work with a BIG hug and an 'I lub ooo daddy!' WOW!"
Thank you Jesus for our son!
