Now we all know that Brenna has never thought of Joshua Gebeyehu as anything but her brother. He has never been just a kid from Ethiopia or an adoption. He is HER LITTLE BROTHER. She has had his picture on her desk since January 20. She could spell "Gebeyehu" before Chad could. She adores him!
She would never want him to think she was not his "real sister", but she was lacking some vocabulary. This (and a couple other conversations I have had with other family members and close friends) has lead me to understand that we all need to be thinking about some new family vocabulary. I want to share my thoughts with you, but understand that I am a rookie here too! I have no desire to worry about political correctness necessarily. I have a huge desire to make as sure as possible that our son will feel perfectly loved, accepted, and a part of our family!
So here are some terms that make me squirm:
- Are all your children adopted? Or are some of them really yours?
- What do you know about Joshua Gebeyehu's real family?
- Are his real parent's alive?
These phrases make me much more comfortable:
- Are all of your children adopted? Or are some of them biological? (or just mind your own business! I know that is not politically correct wording, sorry! But I really struggle with classifying my kids. Obviously Joshua Gebeyehu is not my biological child. I know that may cause people to wonder about the other four. I get the human nature to be curious, but adoptive or biological they are my KIDS, that is all that really matters.)
- What do you know about Joshua Gebeyehu's Ethiopian/birth/African family? (First of all I hope in reading this blog you have realized that I hold the people, traditions, and culture of Ethiopia in high regard. I have loved learning about it. I will do all I can to communicate that pride in and respect for Ethiopia to my family and friends. I will tell Joshua Gebeyehu everything I can about his Ethiopian family. I will leave it up to him whether or not he tells you about his Ethiopian family. This is not because there is a BIG BAD tale in connection with that family. There is of course sadness, but I feel only gratitude and respect for his Ethiopian family's decision. I feel ABSOLUTELY no shame or embarrassment. However I do feel very protective of it. It is his story to share, if and when he wants to. I will protect HIS story until he is able to let us know if it is to be shared or kept private.) (I tend to like to use the term Ethiopian family best. Joshua Gebeyehu lived with Ethiopian family members for well over a year. They contributed more to his life than just giving birth. I know many people use the term birth family and I do use it. I just personally like Ethiopian family more.)
- Since you know how I feel about the term "real" you will understand when I tell you that Joshua Gebeyehu's real parents are alive. We are healthy, happy, and anxiously waiting for him to join us in our home.
Please do not be overly concerned that you will use "offensive" vocabulary when you speak to me. I know that each of you love Joshua Gebeyehu and our family. I know that you welcome him wholeheartedly. If I ever correct you, please do not be offended! If I say something that you think could be hurtful to my sweet boy's sense of acceptance and belonging, please correct me. My goal in this post is not to be the "vocab police." My goal is to start a dialog of acceptance and love!
***Ok on a really fun note, I received an email from someone who is currently in Ethiopia this morning. I asked her to gather some information about Gebeyehu and she was so kind to email me before she even got home. Yesterday, she asked the staff at the care center if she could meet Gebeyehu and he was no where to be found. The staff got a little worked up looking around for him and calling his name. He soon "sauntered" (that was her exact word) around from behind the slide with a big proud grin on his face. He thought it was really funny that they were all looking for him.
Sound like anyone you know? I have spent hours looking for Brenna in the last 7 years. She used to sit quietly in a room and wait for me to find her when she was the same age as Gebeyehu. We still spend minutes searching the church for her each week when the rest of us are ready to go. It is good they are 5 years apart in ago or I would be in trouble!
My friend in Ethiopia was also able to get a shoe size... 7! So Krissy and Brenna and I went shopping for the cutest pair of little boy shoes we could find. The ones we chose have lights on them so they will blink when he walks or runs. One of my favorite little boys, Drew, has a pair I have been eyeing. I was so excited to buy Joshua a similar pair. How much fun will he have looking at and stomping his feet? We also bought a pair of handsome sandals, because I have been told the light-up shoes are ugly and not appropriate for church =)! Not sure we care, but sandals are more adjustable than tennis shoes just in case!
