It has been a wild and crazy and wonderful six months!
The biggest changes I have noticed in the last month has been a stabilization. Joshua's heart feels home. He totally consistently looks to me for love, permission, help, encouragement, etc... A friend recently said, "Alicia, I love how he looks to you all the time to make sure you are paying attention!" My very grateful response was, "Me too! We have worked HARD at it!"
At this point he keeps track of where I am at all times vs. me continually checking in on him to make sure to stay a part of his thoughts. He naturally comes to me instead of having to be reminded to ask mommy or show mommy. He has not asked if he could leave with or be held by a stranger in several weeks. In fact, last week he asked if Grandma could hold him AND I could happily say yes! (We still feed a need to be more involved and nurturing than we were with the older kids at the same age, but we have come such a long way! Nurturing how??? He has a NEED to be held and cuddled close multiple times a day, much more similar to a 9 to 15 mo old than an almost 3 year old. Routine is very important especially with nap and bedtime. When he wakes in the night he is still allowed to snuggle in our bed. We do not encourage/force him to go or give hugs to anyone he does not want to go to, etc...)
His social skills have really bloomed both with adults and children his age. He plays quite confidently with kids his age. He interacts appropriately, takes turns and shares well. He is also able to politely stand up for himself. When all else fails he is more than happy to tell mom =). He does have enforcing the rules down to a science. He wants to do what other kids are doing but needs a lot of mommy support. For example he decided to go up for a children's sermon at church with his sisters, but quickly returned to mom. He climbed in for a big thumb suck and snuggle.
With adults he was either super shy or totally overbearing. If he liked someone he would exhaust himself trying to dominate the room. He did everything he could think of to make sure to keep the attention focused on himself. Because our good friends and family had been waiting a long time to lavish him with love and attention, it was hard for me to decide how to handle this. He is and was cute. The adults were enjoying hearing his voice and meeting his desire for their attention. The problem was that when they left he was completely wiped out. The "Joshua show" took it all out of him - and it was not a good representation of who he really is. Secondly, it was unfair to his siblings. They needed to be heard and receive attention as well. In the end I chose to talk to him about taking turns before any interaction would take place. Then I would remind him that we take turns and it was mommy or Brenna or____'s turn to talk if he became a bit out of control. At first he would just keep on performing and I would gently place my hand in front of his mouth as a visual sign for his silence. He pouted about the turn taking being enforced a couple of times, but he caught on really quickly. Now he is much more relaxed during and after the visits of special adults. Our family and friends are getting to see a much more accurate picture of our son, and his siblings are once again able to get a word in edge-wise.
We have still not left him. I was ready to last month, but Chad informed me that I have no idea how fragile he is without me. So we waited. As Joshua becomes more stable when left with daddy, we will revisit leaving him with Krissy.
I do not consider food to be an adoption related issue, but he is picky. My doctor recommended considering his diet on a three day basis instead of a one day basis. (I thought this such a brilliant thought that I had to pass it on.) Toddlers and pre-schoolers have very varied appetites. Some days they eat more than an adult, other days they eat next to nothing. My doctor recommended we think about what Joshua has eaten over a 3 day period and then decide if he is getting enough milk, protein, fruits, veggies, etc...
Another HUGE area of growth this month has been Joshua' ability to remember and laugh about some things in Ethiopia. The mere word Ethiopia or his Ethiopian name, Gebeyehu, made him shut down for many months. This month he has looked at pictures of Eyob (the IAN driver) and laughed happily about being able to stand up in Eyob's car. He has stated that maybe when he is bigger mommy and daddy and Joshua could go see Mitin in Ethiopia. (With the reassurance that mommy, daddy, and Joshua STAY together.) He also does not get upset when called (occasionally) by Gebeyehu.
He still talks in the third person a lot. The truth is we all do. We got in the habit - even Brenna - and we need to stop so that he does. Working on that one... Otherwise his language and vocabulary are amazing!
His large motor skills have come SO far! The biggest lags I see now are in balance and agility. For example he needs to hold onto something to go up and down the stairs. He can jump but it is not high or overly coordinated. I am NOT worried, but we do work at keeping him moving!
His fine motor skills are totally experienced based. What he has a lot of experience in he does well - like eating with a fork/spoon and cutting. What he has little experience in is lacking - go figure! So we diligently work at giving him lots of experiences to build his skills.
Another thing that has changed is that snow is no longer naughty!
Sledding was a total hit! He giggled all the way down and then told me, "Snow is no naughty mommy. Snow FUN!"
Joshua was also very proud to "push the snow" with a shovel like Daddy does with jeep.
After I snapped the picture of what I thought was Joshua lovingly brushing Riley, I asked Joshua what he was doing with Riley. He quickly corrected me. "This is no Riley. This is Joshua's deer. Joshua cutting deer. Eating meat!!! Yummy!"
I nearly wet my pants laughing. I am thinking he is being so sweet and he is imagining a butcher scene. Joshua had no idea why it was so funny though!
So Joshua likes to play with Riley. Riley is sometimes a dead deer, sometimes a horse, and sometimes a dog. The best thing about Riley is that he has less "power" than Joshua. Joshua LOVES to boss Riley around. "Riley Dietrich IN YOUR SPOT" is a very commonly yelled phrase by Joshua.
I am so very thankful for each day Joshua has been home. I am thankful for the closeness the time of bonding has brought to our whole household. I am thankful for the hours spent soothing, rocking, holding, 'nuggling. I am thankful for his emotional and physical growth. I am thankful for his health.
I will close with Joshua's prayer last night as we cuddled at bedtime. In his own words:
"Thank you Joshua family. Krissy, Sierra, Jamison, Brenna, Daddy, Mommy, Joshua! Family!"
**Yes!!!! Father!!! Thank you that we are a family knit together by your very own hand. Thank you that Joshua's spirit of sonship is far surpassing his fear. May we all revel in the honor it is to be sons and daughters of you Lord Jesus. May our collective spirit of Sonship be bold and bright and shine for You without being stifled in any way by a spirit of fear.
I have prayed the verse, "For you did not receive a spirit that made you a slave to fear, but a spirit of sonship." (Romans 8:15) over Joshua nearly nightly since June 23. I have grown much from it as well as I continue consider what it means to have a spirit of sonship. A spirit that is truly in line with the heart of my Heavenly Father. It is astonishing how many times fear gets in the way of truly selling out for and following the plan Jesus has for us. I am learning right along with my baby.
