Our family's schedule (just like your family's schedule) is CRAZY this Christmas week! It is packed full of family, fun, food, gifts, games, photos, etc... While I love it, I also have realized over the last week that all that we have planned will be more than Joshua can cope with. I realized that I need to plan ahead to give him breaks from the constant activity so that he can have a fun first Christmas.
I fought this idea some because planning breaks for him means I will "miss out" on some of the action. I do not really want to miss out! I argued with myself that he IS almost 3 and skipping naps a couple times and a few late nights will be OK. And it might be... but add to missed naps and late nights a CRAZY amount of stimulation and I was putting him on a path that just might "send him over the edge."
Still, I told myself that it would not be "fair" to our family to expect them to plan in nap breaks and quiet evenings. I kept trying to convince myself that he is 3, he can handle this. I was totally stressing myself out, because I (deep down) knew what my son needed but instead of embracing it I kept making excuses about why it would be impossible to meet his needs.
Yesterday I received this article in my inbox from Empowered to Connect and I was finally able to embrace the fact that in order for ALL of us to have a super Christmas, I need to plan down time for Joshua.
On a daily basis Joshua and I come together to rock, cuddle, read, or some other really quiet activity about every other hour. This meets his 6 to 7 mo old "family age" need to connect with mom and take a break from all of the stimulation coming at him. When the older kids were 7 mo. old I was nursing them so these breaks were very natural. About every 2 to 3 hours my baby would be fussy and need to be fed. At that point, we would go somewhere quiet to nurse and snuggle. Joshua has the same need, but because he is older I have to work to meet that need in different ways. Some days I forget and wonder why he has become so clingy or sad or wild. Many times these quiet times have to be initiated by me. When he begins to be out of sorts (or on my best mommy days before he is out of sorts), it is my job to recognize that what he needs is less stimulation and a time of reconnection. It is amazing what a few minutes in the rocking chair or snuggle dancing or reading a book can do.
So last night I started thinking through the schedule for the week. We will celebrate Christmas with our family of 7 on the 22nd. We have all of Chad's siblings coming over for family pictures and pizza on the evening of the 23rd. On the 24th we have all of Chad's mom's side of the family coming over for lunch, gift exchange, and FUN! On the 25th we are to be with my family at my mom's house. I began to think what all that will feel like to a little guy who has never experienced opening a Christmas gift. (Actually, Joshua has not ripped the paper off a single box to discover a great surprise inside. How totally exciting and over-stimulating will opening several gifts in one day be! How will he even begin to choose what to play with? Who to share with? Etc...) A little guy who needs a lot of his mommy's one on one attention, stuck in a constant crowd. While I felt his excitement, I also felt his stress.
Ultimately I began to put together a plan that will hopefully help to make his holiday (and mine) filled with joy! I plan to practice taking our snuggle breaks in my room the beginning of this week so that when our house is filled and I sneak away with Joshua to read or snuggle in the quiet and privacy of my bedroom it will feel "right." (We do use my room for this purpose sometimes so it is not a totally new idea. I will need to move some books and things in so that it is easy for us to sneak away when our house is full though.)
I also plan to talk through the events of each day in the morning of THAT day and not try to tell Joshua about ALL the things that will happen this week. That way he only has one day to think through at a time. When I talk through the day I plan to tell him that there will be times that he and mommy leave the activity to snuggle. (Although I know he needs these breaks HE does not always think they are a good idea in the moment, but by knowing it will happen I think it will feel like special mommy time instead of punishment.) I also plan to let him know if he will need to nap or go to bed when there is company over. He does not enjoy missing anything, but does MUCH better when I warn him a head of time so he is prepared.
We also plan to drive 2 vehicles to my parent's home on Christmas day. I will bring Joshua home to nap after lunch and then return to my mom and dad's for the afternoon. With a second car there I will also be able to get him home for bath and regular bedtime if need be and the older kids will not have their party ended early.
I know to many of you I may sound like a total control freak. But to me planning is power. We may not need many breaks - and if so WONDERFUL! If we do - I am mentally prepared to meet Joshua's needs in the midst of the excitement of the season. Chad is prepared to be Super-Dad and man the older kids, our guests, and the camera so I do not feel sad in the event that I have to "miss out." For me the result of all this planning is that I am feeling MORE excited about Christmas than ever!
In the end, my carefully though out plan may not work. I may have to punt and I am OK with that. The ultimate "plan" is for me to be flexible and meet Joshua's needs was they emerge. (While Chad is ready to really focus on the older kids! We have not forgotton them!) By realizing that he will have needs, I believe I will be able to keep my focus on supporting him with a joyful heart!
I encourage you to think about the needs of your friends and family members in the midst of meal and gift planning this week. Maybe there is someone on your guest list who could use a little extra love and support as well!
***To my in-laws: Do not be concerned that hanging at our house is causing me stress or Joshua stress! You have been so gracious and supportive, I am thrilled to have you here! In many ways it is easier here than away. And I always know that you are more than happy to help out in any way! Thank you, Thank you! I love you guys!
